sometimes you just gotta breathe

Sometimes the plan needs modifying. You ever have that happen? I started today’s post about the secret sauce for our followership last week. But, as it turns out, today the secret sauce is realizing that the plan for finals week needs to shift a bit. I don’t know how much you have on your plate - but if this resonates with you - then I invite you to modify your plan too. Sometimes I make plans and as soon as they’re made they become set in stone, but that just isn’t how it has to be. There is flexibility when I claim it. Do you need flexibility? Do you need more time or space - or both? I know today I do. So - join me in hitting pause and taking the time. Join me next Thursday for the Secret Sauce.

Till then!

Follow the Leader

Today’s post goes straight to the point. If we worship Jesus - but don’t follow Him, what kind of worship are we offering? What does “worship” mean if we say we worship Him, but we don’t touch the lepers in our lives, or embrace those who are grieving? If the broken, hungry, and searching of the world don’t see in me that they did in Him - what kind of worship am I offering?

Of course, none of us starts off following more than worshipping. That’s just kind of impossible. And the longer we follow His example - the more we experience that following His example really takes all of us laid upon the altar as a living, daily, offering to Him. At least, speaking for myself, it takes everything I have to get up every day and live by His example. It’s a huge, ongoing effort - and after that realization we say, “I coulda had a V8!” or rather the Christian version, “Jesus was amazing!”

And He still is amazing.

But it’s really hard to follow Him, isn’t it? I mean, worship is so beautiful. We can sing our favorite worship song, recite our favski Psalm or parable, or linger a while in soul-nourishing prayer - but none of those things wears on my soul like swallowing that sharp-tongued thing I was going to say, or being neighborly to some stranger who just took my parking spot or, showing patience to the person who just insulted me to my face.

So why do those things, then? I mean if they’re harder to do, and if worship is enough, then why get worked up. Isn’t perfectionism bad for us?

Perfectionism is bad for us, but “me-ism+worship is badder.” You can quote me on that.

Followership, the more I embrace it, is like a daily, spiritual spa treatment for my soul. Jesus uses His example in my life, and His Spirit speaking (and sometimes shouting) to work the thorny bits out of my soul. Following Jesus’ example in my day-to-day, mundane, boring ol’ life teaches me from the top of my soul to the marrow in my bones, that the sharp-tongued thing I was going to say isn’t even about them but is in fact entirely about me, and that reality tends to hit me hard as I’m trying to fall asleep. The stranger I’m neighborly too, might see my tiny little neighborliness and light up my whole day after it happens. Then again, if they don’t see, Jesus may give me grace to think about all the myriads of unrecognized graces He blesses me with. The person who insults me may offer me an opportunity to bask in the security of Jesus’ love without having my ego affirmed at every turn - which is another way to say it can help me build resilience.

So, what I’m saying is that followership leads to much deeper, more meaningful, more soul-engaging worship. Worship that comes from followership connects my daily efforts to Jesus’ daily life. There is nothing we experience on a daily that Jesus didn’t also have to deal with. And that is really humbling. He went through all I’m going through and His response was to die for all those people giving Him all that grief? Followership has a way of putting Jesus on a throne of praises right in my own heart.

Okay - thank you for reading these Lenten season 2023 posts. I am grateful for you. I’m going to keep posting more of this for a bit. I have been informed though, that sometimes the algorithms are not always notifying subscribers and followers of new posts. I am not sure how to fix that today, but I am looking into it. For now - what I’m told is sharing and liking and all that will help the algorithm work better, so if you’d like to help me with that, I’d appreciate it very much.

Come back next week to read about the Secret Sauce!

What's This Maundy Thursday Stuff Anyway?

The other day I mentioned to someone that tomorrow is Maundy Thursday and they shot me a funny look and then said, “I think you mean Mardi Gras”

It’s easy to ignore this. It can also be more comfortable to ignore it.

But I am madly and wildly in love with it.

What do you like to do before the most difficult day of your life? Go to bed early? Special dinner? Extra time doing something you like? Skip out of some responsibilities? What would be your preferred self-care at such a crucial moment?

I’m sitting here going ape that on the night before the worst day ever Jesus’ life - He had a menaingful but simple dinner with the guys He’d been trying to teach everything to for quite some time - and then He sums the whole three years of stomping all over His dusty homeland and sloshing all around that huge Sea of Galilee - and he gets up, get’s comfortable to do His cultures most lowly job - and starts washing His disciples’ feet.

His self-care, was telling us to care for one another, serve one another, Love one another.

Not gimme gimme gimme. Not, “ya know what? I’m gonna eat all the deviled eggs, okay? They’re MY favorite. Not fight over politics - which would’ve been as big a disaster for them as for us because Jesus’ hand-picked disciples subscribed to at least 5 different political parties.

Nope - He’s scrubbing His disciples’ feet. Not feet shod in 21st-century shoes and having ridden around all the last three years in some cushy air-conditioned SUV. Nope. We all know those feet were in need of more than a pedicure. It was the most disrespected job because everyone’s feet were like that and everyone with feet like that or even us today with our pristine, barely used up baby-smooth feet wrapped in plush socks and squishy shoes - LOVES that kind of TLC. And - it just needed to be done. He wanted them to have this bit of loving from Him because He knew what was coming. And as He’s scrubbing the caked-on grime off their tired dogs and toweling them dry, He’s telling them “This is how you love one another.”

For God so LOVED the world He gave His only Son - and His only Son - on His last night with His friends - loved on them like crazy.

The name MAUNDY comes from the Latin word from which we get our modern English word mandate. The Thursday before Good Friday we celebrate Jesus’ commandment - His mandate to love one another.

And I am as certain as I am short - that He gave us that mandate for our good. They were about to have their worst day ever too. A bad day stinks no matter how you slice it - but it sure does stink a whole lot less if you can go through it with those who love you - and I mean love you enough to grab your stinky, crusty, dusty old foot and tenderly scrub it - and still love you all the same if not even just a bit more because ain’t nobody’s foot, or problems, or heart-aches or burdens any better. We’re all carrying the same old awful stuff. Oh sure - yours may seem to be a bit different from mine, but that’s just cuz our human eyes are sometimes easily confused.

And isn’t this so much of what makes Good Friday so good? He went through that bad Friday for our good and it was His good pleasure to do so. Just like it was His good pleasure to let us in on the secret sauce He was going to use in order to get through it. We talk about being united with Him in baptism which was like His death - but I do not think we talk enough about being united with Him in Love.

Love like the kind He washed those feet with and dabbed them dry again - it’s “checkbox” love. It’s transformational love. It’s the kind that absolutely will not work if we attempt it out of obligation. It’s the kind that flows from seeing ourselves as He does - which always is an adjustment from the glitz and glam of the world. He sees our brokenness and loves us anyway - if not all the more. He sees our imperfections and still washes away. He sees all those things about us that we will never figure out how to bring to Him, and still, he gently dries between every single toe. It’s the kind that knows that we just will never give Him some areas of our lives - out of fear, or anger, or blindness or whathaveyou - and still He tells us that the secret sauce that makes it all work in so far as it can work at all, is Love - and even if we never get it as much as He’s love for us to, He’ll still go to the cross for us - out of love for us. He gave the mandate. He modeled the mandate.

Tomorrow is Mandate Thursday.

So we can have a lifetime of Good Fridays.

I’m broken by His wild, unstoppable, infinite love for us.

May we all love one another and together love what remember He did for us.

Wonder Drug - Why I'm Passionate about Compassion

I recently read a recently released book called “Wonder Drug” by Dr. Stephen Trzeciak MD, MPH, who’s chair of medicine at Cooper Medical School of Rowan University and Anthony Mazzarelli MD, JD MBE who’s the co-president and CEO of Cooper University Health Care. They both actually have lots of other roles – but the important thing to note is that they’ve written a book that is as beneficial to them in their positions as it is to anyone else. I became interested in the book when I heard them being interviewed about it on one of my favorite podcasts.

The book is absolutely worth the time it takes to read. Are you a numbers person? There are numbers for you. Are you a stories of personal impact, there are personal stories for you. I like both of the numbers and the stories. Here’s a short list of the lessons that have stuck with me after reading these two doctors’ work that have stuck with me and continue to encourage me.

·       Compassion fatigue is what happens when we almost practice something that looks like compassion but is not compassion purely for compassion’s sake. Practicing compassion to be thought of as compassionate doesn’t carry as many benefits and can even lead to burnout. Practicing compassion towards others at one level and towards yourself at another (or visa versa) also does not work as well. Practicing compassion out of obligation also deprives us of the full benefit of practicing compassion for compassion’s sake. I have grown to love compassion – and find that the more I lean into showing it to my loved ones, those in my church community, those in my local community, and the wider world – the easier it is to show it to myself too. And – I am so imperfect I truly need it. The more I show it the more humanized everyone becomes – the more I can minister to angels unawares and treat strangers and sojourners as I want to believe I would treat Christ. Christ denied compassion to no one. Even those he fought with, he also wanted to gather to him like a hen gathers her chicks.

·       The health field has a long standing position of saying to help people better, professionals need to distance themselves. What these two doctors found though, was that it’s that very disconnect that leads to compassion fatigue. In that case, and this is my paraphrase, compassion fatigue is a result of our human want and need to feel and show compassion being disconnected. We are made for compassionate connection, not discompassionate disconnection. But disconnection is often so painful, we can only do it discompassionately – because it just hurts us. We may not admit this easily to ourselves. I confess that once upon a time I valued big personalities, making “tough calls” with bluff and bluster and maybe even gruffness “for the good” of other. What I’ve come to understand from plenty of tough situations of my own is that I’m afraid that’s kind of crap. There is no strength like the strength of respect, dignity shown with kindness and compassion. I can only do this when I am up-to-date on engaging in the ongoing work on my soul with God to surrender the garbage that keeps me from feeling His loving-kindness, compassion and patient grace with me. I am only as compassionate to myself/others as I allow God to be to me. It takes a lot of intentional strength to stay in this process in a mind-set of progress not perfection.

·       It takes a tiny amount of compassionate connecting time to make a HUGE difference in our lives. Compassion isn’t some fluffy thing that we put out into the world. It is SOUL MEDICINE. The science, the data is clear – compassion doesn’t just feel good to our hearts, it actually protects them from actual physical heart disease. I KNOW!! Not only that – it can literally heal our hearts – spiritually from the burdens we carry in them, and even some of the physical damage in them. Is it a silver bullet? Clearly not. Is it magic? Don’t get me started. Not only does compassion make us feel engaged and meaningfully connected to our work, to our families – and I would say for me – to my purpose for being here, but it can even reverse and help us start to reclaim parts of ourselves that we’ve lost – like our hope, our agency – our ability to make our lives better. And how much time per day are we talking about? 15 minutes. We’ve all had a rough couple of years and I don’t know about you – but I often wish people were less mean, less angry, less irritable. Well. Come join me. Let’s be the change we crave. Can we make others change? And let’s be real, it’s silly to talk about that until I’ve changed me. I have worked hard on these issues in my life long before this book came out last year – but I am reinvigorated in my passion for compassion by this book and all that’s in it. I can’t speak for the rest of the world – but I sure am willing to stand with you as you stand with me – and together we will surely make a difference to one another – and that’s pretty awesome.

I Poke Bears. What do you do?

You cannot imagine how many different versions for a title I’ve tried out for this post. But this is the struggle. I wasn’t just struggling to find words with the right cadence and meaning, but to find the right words to spark curiosity.

But - here’s the thing. I am CERTAIN that God put me on this earth to challenge ideas, people, and church communities - all while challenging the heck out of myself. As I like to tell my friends, “I poke bears.” By that I mean I poke at judgments, assumptions, delusions, and sacred cows. I poke at my own and others.

And yet - if you know me, you know as well as I do that despite those words - I am playful, happy, humorous, gregarious, energetic, and deeply, deeply passionate about all the best things in life - family, friends, fellowship, faith, and fun!

In fact, the only reason I poke bears - is because that’s how God made me. And I endeavor to do so as fiercely lovingly and graciously as I can - for me and everyone I’m connected to, so that my bear-poking can be a gift.

What about you though? What is the gift God made you to bring? Thanks to most of our daily media diets consisting almost exclusively of digitally engineered anxiety-inducing, misinforming “infotainment,” most of us live a life where we kind of know that our smart phones feed us a constant diet of dumb garbage that makes us angry, feel bad, feel less, feel … despair - and yet we cannot put them down - we find it easier to go there over and over throughout the day. Every day. Yet - going to God - who I know so many of us know full well, see as loving, gracious, and all the rest of the good things - and yet somehow for most of us it is not as easy to drop into some peace and quiet with God and let Him heal us from the lumps and slumps of life as it is to pull out phones out again and consume another string of utterly forgettable and yet highly influential and soul stifling content.

Isn’t that odd?

And I know - that for so many of us - this is how it is because really sitting alone with God and baring our souls for the healing, rest, and restoration we so want - feels like a hurdle. In fact - I have heard it often said that it feels like that is maybe just the thing to make matters worse.

I have zero judgment. I get it.

Some folks do occasionally sit with God and get some of these things - but dang it all if some of them don’t pop out of those times with words, attitudes, and behaviors that frankly scare the crap out of the rest of us.

I have good news though.

Spending time with God can feel like a spa-day for your soul. Everything I’ve written about connecting with God this whole Lent so far, is aiming exactly at that. We are not social-media beings; we’re social beings. We’re not just made for connecting with one another. We’re made for connecting spiritually - to a community of people gathered to encourage one another in their pursuit of spiritual growth and healing - but also to God so we can experience divine healing and connection. I had to poke a lot of my own bears to arrive at a place where I love to spend time with God. I don’t know what your bears are. Some of them are probably the same as mine. Some are surely unique to you and your life experience.

Maybe this whole post you’ve thought that my “bear-poking” is all just for the sake of making people uncomfortable, but what if I’m talking about poking God - so you can get a bear hug? Of all the people Jesus lavished love and grace on in Gospels - how do we not all know to our bones - that He’d have loved for us - as much as any of them, to poke Him and ask Him for some of the love He came to give away?

I am absolutely certain that such a poke from you, is what He’s all about!

Grace Habit - Origin Story - Part 2

Pulling out of my garage and heading to Utah I headed out for my first vacation in years.  I had zero expectation for the trip to fix my health issues - besides I was only going to be away for a 12 days. But sometimes listening to God in new places lead to new revelations - and that was my hope.

my groggy pooch, Phoebe, co-piloting

So - we left - and by we - I mean - I brought my dog along.  I pray about trips and such anyway quite a bit - about where to go and when to go - but this trip was especially prayed about - and every time I prayed about it - I'd envision my dog coming along. Okay.  

Something about leaving home while feeling so sick was unsettlingly. Go figure. But there comes a point when you just have to go.  It's like a leap of faith. We left just before 2pm (read: I nervously dilly-dallied) on Friday, May 16th 2014 and drove and drove - heading for Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument - a gorgeous federal park with dog-friendly regulations. 

Calf-Creek is in that canyon. 

By Sunday night we were camped out at Half-Creek park. The drive there was loaded with 14% gravely hair-pin turned grades down roads with sheer drop offs on either side. It dawned on me why God encouraged me to bring my dog along - she has a strange super-power ... she can with merely her presence encourage grown men to get up from their camp-sites - wander over with paper-plates laden with goodies from their grill and ask "may I please feed your dog?" I met so many people on that trip because of my (at that time) 11 year old collie-mix.  

We hiked - but not far - and we drove far out into the desert on two-tracks into areas so silent - it just seemed impossible that there could be so little noise in an expanse so huge. Knowing I wasn't really up for actual hiking - we'd meet rangers who'd kindly direct us to a couple of good trails. We'd go for a walk after breakfast - and before dinner - and spend the heat of the day - which because it was only May wasn't all that hot yet - parked on a camp-chair in the shade - my dog wooing grill-masters out of hunks of meat and me reading my through a pile of books. 

By the way - if you've never been to Utah - I seriously recommend it. The majority of the state is state park, national park, and federally protected wild-lands. Frequently it's one park across the road from another. The whole place is a shocking variety of natural beauty.

After days of gorgeous scenery we were headed back to the stunning condo in Colorado and I heard a Dr. being interviewed who specialized in precisely the very breathing problem I had. The slim chance of just happening to catching that exact interview was extraordinary. Back then I'd lose focus, fall asleep, or forget all the details of what I'd just heard - or where I'd heard it. The minute we were settled back in the condo - I started reading the book. It was a double whammy - because it was easier to breathe in this very dry air - and now I was reading a book that laid out not only what was wrong with my lungs but how to fix it! Eureka!!

view from the condo - overlooking the Rockies 

Seems that back when I was first sick with pneumonia + H1N1 - somewhere along the way a third infection came into play caused by a bacteria called c. pneumoni notorious for stubbornly carrying on - eventually spreading from the lungs - to wherever it pleased. Within hours of arriving back home I hand-delivered the book to my doctor - and started calling this researcher's office for more info. They were happy to provide it: white-papers, JAMA articles, newspaper articles, and web-sites run at their own cost by former patients who'd had the lung infection. That community of people was incredibly encouraging. Treatment could last up to 18 months - but I did not want it to last one day longer than necessary - so I contorted my diet again - and drank hundreds of spinach and kale smoothies, and wheat-grass shots galore, and other immune boosting, inflamation fighting ill-tasting goops.  One day a former patient recommended that I see a respiratory therapist and learn specific breathing exercises that could speed up healing - I got on the phone and made an appointment that afternoon. 

The thing about breathing exercises is that they're awkward. Something you literally can do with zero thought and yet these exercises were so complex that there's actually a risk of blacking out. But as soon as the breathing exercises stopped being such an adventure they very rapidly became so boring. So I began imagining that I was doing them in my favorite place in the world:  Isle Royale National Park.

That was better – but it seemed like I could improve it even more – so I started imagining that I was doing the breathing exercises sitting in front of a cozy campfire on Isle Royale. While this was an improvement – I still wanted more. So soon I was doing the breathing exercises imagining myself sitting on Isle Royale, at my favorite campground, in front of a campfire next to Jesus.  And now the heat from the fire became the heat of His love.  And still I wanted more – so any negative thing – a worry about my health, grief, whatever – it all went into the fire.  And what does adding fuel to the fire do?  That’s right!  It makes the fire burn bigger – brighter – hotter.  So the worse I felt – the warmer and brighter I felt Jesus’ love for me.

I think I could live to be 500 – and if you came along and reminded me of the moment that I really first started settling into this practice – you could immediately bring me to tears.  Jesus flooded my soul with His love and in short order I was engaging in this practice for longer and longer periods of time.  My respiratory therapist said she’d never seen anyone work so dutifully at their breathing exercises.  I tried to explain what I’d stumbled upon.  She just stared – and finally said:  “Well, I’m an atheist. But that sounds nice.”

That was 3 years ago. It took longer than I'd hoped to finish treatment - but much less than it could have. Treatment was just one part of healing - it took nearly two years after treatment for my health to return to normal - or at least what I think is normal - it's hard to really know after such a long time. As amazing as it is to feel well-rested, well-breathed (if I can make up a term) and totally free of all the besetting health issues - the work that God did in me - on my walk with Him during that whole season is even more amazing. My sense of God’s love has exploded beyond what I thought was possible. 

I'm aware that many people are far sicker for far longer periods of time with far worse circumstances and less hope of recovery. I'm aware that my situation could've been so much worse. I'm also aware - as I look back on things today - that there were some things I could've done to have made that season much easier. I didn't know about those things back then though.

If the result of that whole season was that on this side I would walk even closer with God and stumble upon the grace habit - then I'm okay with how things played out. God was worth it.  

I kept the info on my health vague-ish because this isn't a blog about health and I do not dispense health advise. My goal was to communicate just enough info to paint a picture - the point of this post and the part one post is just to say that I was in a desperate place - and God mercifully rescued me on more levels than just my health. I can't help but think that if the Grace Habit could help me in that season - who could it not help? 

Grace Habit Wrap Up: Origin Story - Part 1

If you know me at all - you know I write - a lot.  There's 1000's of pages of journal entries. On top of that I write stories - boiled stories, mashed stories - stick 'em in a stew stories ... or something like that.  I've even started writing poetry these days.  Words - rarely fail me - and yet when it comes to succinctly and clearly laying out the origin story for the grace habit - my head is a blender-full of whirling syllables and images. Not helpful.

So - what follows is far from a thorough origin story - which kinda bugs because man do I love thoroughness!! But because I like you - I will not torture you.  I've had several people tell me I should really put the whole thing into a book but my efforts to put this to words at all has made it clear that I just don't have that level of clarity - yet.  So ... here we go

actual photo of me the moment my life broke

After decades of pursuing Jesus full on - I broke my life.  I wanted so much to do so much good - that I got carried away building up and sent all the little pieces of my life toppling over when I pulled that one jenga piece out ... you might have seen it ... Here I am - balancing my over-stretched life - and trusting Jesus will make everything okay.

Just for fun let me name a few of those jenga pieces ... the tanking economy, burn-out, exhaustion, my mom's passing, joint injury after joint injury, insomnia, friends who did precisely what friends shouldn't, my church community struggling, student run-aways, more loved ones passing, JC's struggling, worse insomnia, the economy getting even worse (how??), a nasty round of H1N1 + pneumonia, God seemingly put me on hold with bad muzak, mis-diagnoses, more insomnia, more joint injuries, still worse insomnia, lousy friends unlocked a horrible-ness achievement and attain super powers of dastardliness, playing round after round of "hey - look who else is on Facebook Messenger at 3am!" - and all of this coated in shame while I scrambled to "fix it".

I tried all sort of miracle "murican" cures like restoring all the things through the pursuit of fitness (read: more injuries) and the healing power of traveling to Las Vegas.  Everything in the last 3 or so paragraphs took place in about 9 months.

me - fixing my life right up

It was literally breathtaking - in every single possible wrong way.  All "solutions" were horrible.  Behind door #1 - dive into the deep end of medical ignorance - but they were already torturing me with horrible meds, misdiagnoses and worst of all: disdain.  (which kinda stinks because I know a dumb amount of stuff about health and am not actually dumb).  Behind door #2 - quit the ministry ... I mean - seriously - this was a hard season. zero fun potential ... yet JC's is my calling.  Or door #3 - quit my job ... which was also zero fun and zillions of stress. Of course - my job did give me this stuff ... you might have heard of it ... money ... and health insurance.

Naturally - I picked door number three and quit my job - cuz' you know - who needs a stable pay-check and insurance when you've got Jesus?

actual shot immediately after opening door number 3

So - to all the above jenga blocks o' fun - I added a nifty block called: fund-raising. It took forever - because I was a hot sick sleepless mess and already working enough hours for a couple of people - but hey - this was my magic door - right? It felt good to focus. Except ... strange things kept happening ... for-instance - I kept getting sicker, sleeping less, and those darn friends - it's like they were reading straight out of the book of Job. So - while I was sure I'd picked the right door - it felt a bit like that box thingy up there and to the left ...  

first day full-time with JC's!

It took forever - but finally - the pieces were in place - I had fund-raised enough to quit ... there was still more fund-raising to do - but I could stop working myself quite literally to death.  It was beautiful.

You know this doesn't end well - right?

Literally upon arriving home after my last day at work - more joint injuries, donors bailed, and Jobs 3 friends showed up to make sure I knew that this was all because I was a horrible lying person with zero faith.  *sigh*

Really?

I wish I could say that this is when things got better.  They only got better in the sense that now the plot thickened - and the suspense deepened ... it was kind of like when you're Samwise and you're thinking - oh thank goodness - we made it - Frodo just has to drop the ring over the edge ... 

This was the point at which I became frighteningly sick. I didn't advertise it - after years of illness - my feet were swollen they hurt, I was covered in sores, I smelled sick. Apparently I wasn't fooling pros though - as random health professionals would give me their business cards - I was really sick.  Scary & awful things were going wrong with my body and essentially no one knew.  No one really knew with what.  I had horrible insurance.  No community.  I was on the verge of losing my house. I made peace with the idea of never getting well ... this was the darkest time of my life and it dragged on for years as I got sicker and sicker and sicker.  I did not delude myself for one second into thinking that God would let me croak - and then show up when I was four days dead to resurrect me.  He merely seemed "pleased to crush" me.

realistic view of my life at the lowest

approximation of my comfort level after making peace with my life

Making peace with living sick in my case looked like living life sitting down - which was a necessity because I had zero energy.  I budgeted my energy tighter than my actual budget.  If you know me - you know that's saying something.  I gave up backpacking - and took up learning church history.  Kayaking was traded in for quilting.  I started having the longest times with God you can imagine ... because God seemed to be back - and this was the only thing that filled my tank. I desperately wanted to live in a world where God saves the day - and I am fully committed to letting God be God - free of boxes - and in faith gave over more and more because - after all - who am I to tell God what a saved day has to look like. I believe walking by faith means we follow where God leads. 

whoa!  now that's some gripping-onto-God power!

Some interesting things did start to happen in this "make peace" phase though.  Really interesting.  Like God began putting new friends in my life - and old friends in a new way - and this community - this new circle of friendships - well they flat out ran circles around the old ones even in the best of times. But I also learned that as hurt as I'd felt - as abandoned as I'd felt by God - I couldn't make good on walking away from Him.  I just don't have it in me.  In fact - I came through that part of the storm with an ability to grip Him and hang onto Him - that just slays me.  It's not me.  It's Him. Trust me on this one.

Also - I don't seem to really have it in me to give up on health - so this became what I ate - and I thought - there has to be a way to sleep again.  So began at least 18 months of experimentation - which when you can't breathe (read: you're living with oxygen deprivation) and insomnia (read: sleep deprivation) means - you forget all the things all the time!!  So I'd mow my lawn - rake it into a bowl - and eat it without dressing - it tasted like hate and anger - but it paired well with mountains of little rubbery supplements. 

I also don't seem to have it in me to give up on my calling - so I planned a big 'ol camping trip. Obviously. Backpacking might have been out of the question - but I was going to go into the desert and sit on a rock - and square things away with Jesus.  

So this is the season that the Grace Habit was born into - and I'll finish bringing this story home with Part 2 - next Wednesday.

Praying you all have a wonderful and lovely Mother's Day weekend and Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers out there!

Grace Habit - Part 16 - Pharos & The Grace Habit

Among the seven ancient wonders of the world - the famed lighthouse - Pharos of Alexandria (around 260BC - until 1300AD) was the only utilitarian ancient wonder - a light - built to warn passing ships of the treacherous waters off that city's port.  Seafaring and shipping trade was probably as essential to civilization as we know as fire or language.  This huge lighthouse was the brain-child of an ancient think-tank called the "mouseian" and financially backed by Sostrates of Knidos who secured the 800 talent project (aka: about $3 million today).  Pharos - at about 450 feet tall - was second in height only to the Great Pyramid of Giza and withstood the forces of the Mediterranean for an incredible 16 centuries - including according to research into the remains - now accessible only via scuba diving - 22 earthquakes. During the day a polished metal disk reflected the sunlight out over the water.  At night - dung fires burned so brightly that some ship captains claimed the light was visible for 100 miles.  Since modern light houses can't be seen quite that far (due to the curvature of the earth and the limitations of lighting technology - so the Cape L'Agulhas lighthouse in South Africa at just 33' high - but located 238' above sea level is only visible for 50 miles - so maybe they smelled it?) Regardless of ancient exaggerations - there was nothing like Pharos anywhere else on earth and the idea of a light warning passing ships of dangerous waters spread everywhere to the degree that in many languages the Pharos became the root of their word for lighthouse.

Yet I can't shake the conviction that the potential for durability and light-shedding capability of God's great Love and Grace streaming out onto our lives could have an even greater impact. People are everywhere - Imagine living in a world where we'd all shine guiding lights of God's love to those around as a natural extension of our own deep and abiding connection to God's Grace and Love?  Could we live so connected and rooted in God's Love that the abundant over-flowing of our hearts (Luke 6:45) would be God's reflected back out onto the world?  Isn't that the point of the song we sang in Sunday school - "This Little Light of Mine"? - that we can take Jesus' light with us everywhere we go?  There are certainly treacherous waters - and such friendly lights would make the navigating better.

In Wednesday's post on the Grace Habit I intentionally put the word "Darkness" into the post title - not because I believe my life is/was ever the darkest of the dark - but because how can any life lived with less of God's love and Grace than we can hold be described any other way?  

However much some might say "people don't change" about this person or that person - the truth is we observe people changing all the time ... and it is invariably love that produces the most powerfully life-and-light giving positive changes.  The loner changes when they find the acceptance of a group of friends.  The young adult changes when they meet the love of their life. The new parent changes the first time that tiny hand grips their finger.  Those who suffer through the heavy and negative changes of trauma of one kind or another - find that the moving on from trauma is most aided by movement from the trauma of loss - into the life-giving boon of stepping into love and grace.  The few sentences above comprise some of the "17 potential plot lines" behind every book, play, movie ever written.  How - just wrong would the clip below be if Melvin Udall were merely brown-nosing a two-bit publisher?  But as it is - we can deeply relate to wanting not just show our best - but be our brightest, most colorful, strongest version of ourselves to those we love most.

Can you imagine - say - a movie where the main character is motivated to risk it all and against all odds give themselves down to their last ounce in order to ... please a grouchy coach? Or make the angry boss happy?  Who would put their life on the line for that potential mate - who'll never return that affection? These aren't just bad plot lines - they're the basis of psychological thrillers!  Surely we know that it is love, it's always been love - I'm not sure it can be anything but love that has sufficient strength and light to compel us to rise above, outlast all hardship, and be the best version possible of who God made us to be.  If the loves of our lives can impact us this way, if our pets - for crying in the dishes - can have this influence on us even - then imagine how much light we deny when we respond only to God's "stick" and turn a deaf ear to His "carrot" - despite the fact we'd be horrified if those around us viewed us this way. 

The loss of light or increase of darkness is literally incalculable.  And everything I've ever read suggests that among the many benefits to love - love makes us much more resilient to life's bumps and tumbles.  It's like aloe-vera for our souls to have confidence in our worth suggests that besides the awesomeness of all that - the growing cumulative impact of the above is that we become more resilient.  Resiliency.  Resiliency is defined as the capacity to recover quickly. It's like elasticity.  When we talk about "bouncing back" - we're describing resiliency. 

Imagine you can engage in ... well ... anything ... and be a little more resilient later today. Imagine that increased resilience could even stretch into tomorrow.  I think this is the basis of the entire adult coloring book thing ... which by the way ... is cool.  Imagine engaging in such a thing for say ... a week ... or a month? Or a decade? 

Point made - eh?  

Fair 'nuff ... how about a completely, just off this rock kind of idea?

Here's a WILD idea?  What if you finished not just today with more resilience ... but the summer - the decade.  What if within short order you were going about your day - not depleted of love - but topped off.  What if instead of starting your day dreading the negativity and damage that perhaps was awaiting around every other interaction - instead you were going about fresh from dozens if not hundreds of experiences of feeling not only lifted of each day's burdens - but filled to capacity with God's Love and Grace? What if our souls feasted daily on God's love?  At what point along that trajectory would you start to have wildly different conversations with the people you share your life with?  At what point would you start to have wildly different conversations with God?  What would you pray for - if you felt full of His love - understood all the little verbal and literal slings and arrows we encounter day to day to be about those people - and took them as motivations to pray for them?  What would we say to encourage one another if even just 10% of those in our faith community were as lifted as Jesus wants to lift us?  What if we could serve the world from a faith that isn't daily performing triage on us before we can really absorb a single truth from God?  I'm not suggesting that if we practice the Grace Habit we'd never have a bad day again ... I am suggesting that we'd have fewer bad days of our own making ... that there'd be less of all the things that tend to muddy the waters and confuse God's work in our lives.  I'm just wondering. 

After 1,000 days of practicing the Grace Habit in my own life - I am just floored by the difference it's made.  I absolutely salivate at the idea of a decade of this - or a generation raised not only with such a piercing light of Love - but without the self-inflicted torture of uncertainty, confusion, insufficiency.  If - as James 1:20 suggest - the anger of man cannot achieve the righteousness of God - how much less can love-starved soul of man achieve God's best?  At this point I'm much less curious about what it might be like - and much more focused on how can I have a taste of that life now.  God, the most powerful force in the universe sees you at your best at all times - and longs to teach you to think as He does - to see everyone as He does.  If you know of a better way to experience that than the Grace Habit - I insist you call me right now to tell me. I need to know. Thanks!

Grace Habit - Part 15 - Day after Day the Grace Habit Tackles Darkness

I became a Christian on a snowy Sunday at the beginning of a now legendary blizzard - or rather - series of legendary blizzards that hit my home town so hard when I was a kid - that when the school closings were announced the next morning - it was for the entire week.  We ended up being off half of the following week too.  

What I mean by "became a Christian" is that it suddenly struck me like a bolt out of the blue - that I believed in Jesus and that He was the One I wanted to follow with my life.  My very next thought was that if I believed that - but didn't follow through on it - I'd be a liar - and not just any kind of liar - but the kind of liar who lies about Jesus. Which at that age was about the worst thing I could think of.  I still remember feeling my face flush as we sang that Sunday - and my hands go cold - and with my heart pounding - I slipped out of the row and slid around the rest of my family and walked across the creaky old wooden floorboards forward to where my dad stood delivering the altar call.

Before I knew it - the whole church had decided that despite all the weather reports forecasting severe winter weather my family did not head home for warmth and safety from the impending storm.  Instead we all drove the complete opposite direction to another church - because ours was too little to have its own baptistery.  I remember that afternoon vividly still - and I especially remember how I felt coming up out of the water. 

Middle and high school were not fun - and my faith took quite a hit.  But as a freshman in college I met some people with not only amazing walks with God - but the ability to explain to me how they got that way - and I dove in.  I read my Bible cover to cover; several times. Started journaling. Went to Bible studies.  Spent hours in one-on-one discipleship.  Gave up casual dating.  Memorized dozens of chapters of the Bible. Evangelized on campus - lots.  Invited class mates to the campus ministry.  Led Bible studies. Volunteered.  Went on missions trips.  Fasted.  I went on long solitary trips into the wilderness to pray. Committed my life to ministry and have worked hard to live a surrendered  life.  Over the years I've read so many books on walking with Jesus that if I put them all in one pile - I could build myself a new house out of them.  None of those things is what actually grows us - Jesus grows us - especially when we want Him to. There has never been anything I've wanted as badly was to walk as close as I can with Jesus.

Nothing - no conference, no music, no book, no conversation - nothing - has altered my life so subtly, pleasantly or as powerfully as the Grace Habit.  After the first day - I remember thinking, "Huh.  That was interesting."  That first day felt more accidental than momentous. Now - something like 1000 days later - I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude.  I still want to give God a solid effort every day - but there's just something about sacrificially laying down one day at its end - and stepping into God's love - and meditating on it - reveling in it and letting His love be the last word on the day.

20 some years ago I remember talking with friends and co-workers - and musing how true I'd found Matthew 26:41 to be:  "The spirit is willing - but the flesh is weak." - as I struggled day after day with the same things.  Sure - year over year - I could see some growth - but it fell short of what I'd hoped for.  I had a sneaking suspicion that I was somehow the biggest thing getting in God's way - but I had no idea what to change.  So I tried harder.  Worked harder. Prayed longer.  The metaphor that emerged was that it was as if that day in the garden - immediately after the "apple" - a light-switch had been flipped - and though I was saved, and though I was baptized - and though I had every assurance of who God was in my life - I just didn't quite know how to flip that switch back on again.  I'd pray about it - and pray about it - and pray about it.  Drawings of light-switches flipped on started showing up in all of my journals.  

While I have no regrets as to how much effort I poured into my walk - I am incredibly grateful for the Grace Habit - which has slowly but surely - replaced all the angsty uncertainty and lingering doubt I once carried with calm trust, unparalleled inner peace, and a level of resiliency I'd barely dreamed to fantasize about before.  The change has been so extreme - that though it's been three years now - it's startlingly encouraging to glance back at 1000 or so days ago and notice what God's done.  And to be clear - I take no credit for any of it.  It was all God.  If God can do this for me - I cannot even wrap my head around all He's ready to do for everyone.  There is simply no generosity like the generosity of God - especially when we stop telling Him what He has to give us - and accept the gift He wants to give us.

There's an aspect of chasing God - that can tire.  I still would not choose to live otherwise.  And happy as I am with the Grace Habit - whether or not it is "the light switch" I've been looking for - or one of several - or one of many - all I know is it seems that the very familiar pattern of wanting to obey, falling short and feeling frustrated by falling short - has given way to a very different pattern.  And - I recognize that I say this in a season of manifestation - not hiddenness - but the Grace Habit itself started deep within a long season of hiddenness. (see yesterday's post)  I do not say any of these things lightly.  It's been three years of testing, meditating, studying, talking, and seeking more wisdom on this new development in my 30 year search.  I'm still searching for more wisdom - but the search, the struggle, the growth - all feels new, different, - fresher and more hope infused than I could've imagined.

Grace Habit Part 14 - Your Long Anticipated Welcome

Like you - I have a friend or two who's expecting.  Last year - I watched some other friends plan and prepare to bring a baby home.  It felt good to watch these bundles of joy come into homes that were prepared not only with diapers and bassinets - but conversation upon conversation of love.

Playing pretend - is awesome!

Remember when we were little kids - and we'd play pretend?  Pretend was literally my favorite game.  Playing house, playing office, playing pioneers .... I LOVED it! Want to play pretend with me today? Of course you do!  Pretend is awesome!  Okay - so let's pretend - that a' la fairytale magic - in the next week - you will receive a baby to love and care for - to be delivered on your door-step - in typical fairytale fashion - in a basket - complete with fairytale note ... "Please take care of my baby"

So - what are you going to do?

Take care?  Take CARE?!!  Forget taking care - I'm going love that little baby to the best of my ability.  I'm going to clean house - and put away anything that might harm the baby.  I'm also going make a space where the baby can sleep quietly and undisturbed,  I'm going to go get some diapers, and baby-formula, and such.  And I'm going to do all of that cleaning, arranging and shopping while talking to on the phone to the most experienced moms I personally know - because I am going to do right by this baby.  And as I do all this - I'm going to feel more and more excited.  And I'm going to get into the habit of checking to see if the baby has arrived. 

Back to the real babies and kids in our lives - don't we just love it when as these babies grow they can some day say "I like coming to your house!"  "I like playing with you!"  I'm sitting here right now grinning as I write this - remembering times exactly that has happened.  There's just something about kids' love that does in fact seem magical.  We LOOOOOOOVVVVE it when a little one excited runs up to us to show us their creation, or their new toy ... or when show us what they can do - jump so high, dance, twist or especially when they throw their little arms around our necks.  It's no less awesome at all when they grow older and older and grow into adults right before our eyes - and keep right on sharing their lives with us.  And there are few sweeter things than hearing that grown child say "I remember how much you loved me."

And how our heart aches when we hear of babies not being welcomed home with joy and anticipation - for whatever reason, and our hearts ache when we talk to kids who don't have memories of loving adults to share all the things they're learning with.  We know that the kids with love have a huge advantage.  Kids with an abundance of love - even if they don't have an abundance of other things - still have an advantage over those with abundance of everything but love.

You know what?  Me too.  ME TOO!  When I have an abundance of love - I have more of the best thing to have more of.  When I have love - I have a little better version of everything else too.  More love is more.  Less love is not more.  

So - let's pretend again.

I have no idea what that math is ... thanks google!

Let's flip the calendar back to whatever that day in "history" was - before even the existence of time - when God looked at His "calendar" and knew - YOU were about to arrive.  YOU were on YOUR way to His house!!

Then God cleaned up the universe, arranged a place for you, made provisions for you. He arranged people for you to hang with - all with a view for you to come to know His own divine love.

He eagerly anticipated your excitement over your first song - your first adventure - your creations went up on His fridge - and He loved, loved LOVED it - when you tossed your arms around His neck, gave Him zerberts and giggled.  And He is today still - as touched as you are when you recall with Him shared moments of significance between you. 

Actually it is less true to say that "just like us - God loves this love between us and Himself - and far more true to say that because God loves us and the love between Himself and us - we love it too.  In other words - however silly my pretend game may be - it is we who are emulating Him when we sincerely love - not the other way around.  Of course!  Because God loved us first - we have any concept of love at all.  

And I don't in any way want to trivialize sin - but rather to say - let us not in our efforts to forsake sin - trivialize Christ's work on the cross - let us not trivialize God's incredible love behind that redemptive work.  In fact - I will suggest - that to consider sin - without considering God's incredible love - trivializes both His love and our sin.  If His love is only to be savored after I've applied sufficient regret, contrition, remorse ... doesn't this suggest that I somehow have the very power to fix-up myself and my sin -  despite Christ's absolutely necessary work on the cross indicating I have no such power to fix-up myself or my sin?  And - doesn't this somehow suggest that contrition is the beginning of humility?  Confession is good for the soul - but only in so far as it can effectively connect me to God's love.  Apart from that love - endless confession and contrition is the beginning of despair.  Humility grows best in love.  Humility that tries to grow in guilt - turns into humiliation - which looks like arrogance.

If I know you have my back, are for me, and you like me - or even that you love me, I am motivated to do right by you.  If I know that you are headed to my house - I vacuum, I clean, I brush the pets, I make delicious food for us to share, I turn on the porch-light to light your way to my door, I carefully select background tunes that create with music the joy and love I feel. This isn't an original brilliance that I invented - this is an imperfect reflection of God's perfect heart towards us - this is how He anticipates us - but much, much more so.

If we would happily accept a hug and a giggle from a little one - why do we think that what He needs from us - is long protracted, lengthy, lawyer-ly, numbered, out-lined, annotated, documented, vetted and confessed endlessly repetitive recitations of all our imperfections - ad nauseum, ad infinitium? He KNOWS.  He already knew it all - back when ... you know ... on that day that He started preparing for you. All the things are still there in your life with a view for you to come to know His divine love. 

And just like I'd feel crushed, and just like you'd feel crushed if the little one's only cried and cried about how naughty they'd been about ... whatever ... and declare themselves, over and over, unworthy of our love - isn't it crushing to God when we resist recalling this universe-creating, humanity-saving, paradise-preparing love He has for us - sacrificing joy and hope to a weird sense of "contributing" to His salvation with a frosting of guilt?

AND the simple truth is that your arrival has been wholeheartedly and joyfully anticipated since before the very existence of time.  During that whole time - God already knew EVERYTHING about you - and at no point along the way (obviously - Hi!  You're reading this!) did He change His mind.  Nope.  He was IN!  BOOM! And here you are - after an infinity of preparation - with the goal that you will spend an eternity with Him in loving community.  Can you possibly be more "IN!" than God is in with us?  God's love right now is available to you - anticipating you with eagerness and every preparation.  Aaaaaahhh. 

Grace Habit, Part 13 - Can God Spoil Us?

This is actually part of something I've been thinking about for a little while - almost as long as I've been pondering the whole Grace Habit.

Two completely perfect people - totally impervious to spoiling

What do you think?  Can God spoil you?  Has He spoiled you?  Do you know someone who God has spoiled?  I'm willing to bet a delicious sammich - right here and now - that 95% of us answered "no, nope, and yes" to those three questions. 

And I don't know about you - but it goes WITHOUT saying that my parents did NOT spoil me. And my confidence on that has almost nothing to do with none of my relatives reading this. And you seem pretty cool - so obviously you're not spoiled either.  Awesome.

If you look up (and by look up I mean google) "how to spoil a child" - you'll get the above gem - with a link to the rest of the list - which you can see for yourself if you're interested by clicking here.  But our question is not can kids be spoiled - because that seems rather obvious. Instead our question is can God spoil US? 

Based on what we can read about God in Scripture - that He's perfect, holy, just, righteous and loving - God seems ill-equipped to spoil us - or better put - the perfect entity to un-spoil us. Actually I'm of the opinion that God's ability to un-spoil us is directly proportional to our willingness to authentically pursue a growing and real relationship with Him.  Who could ever stay spoiled even just a little in the face of learning about and incorporating into one's life the teachings that Jesus spells out - for instance - in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7)? At least for me - it seems like nearly everything out of Jesus' mouth is well-suited to illuminate any cozy entitlements, prejudices, cravings and expectations my ego is clinging to.  

What about those people in Scripture who seem to have been recipients of some profound favor - people like Abraham, Moses, David and Elijah for instance.  What about them?  Were they spoiled?  Were they God's "perfect little pets?"  Did everyone around them just roll their eye-balls so hard you could practically hear it when any of those individuals names were called out when God wanted to give "someone" special recognition?  If you read these stories ... you come across little bits of information about these individuals that hints that they invested their lives in God in some remarkable ways.  I'm inclined to believe that we're all God's favorites and some of us really take that to the bank - such as Abraham did - in having the requisite faith to pick up and move his whole family away from the rest of the clan - and then giving God his long-awaited and promised son to boot.  You read about Moses' putting all the entitlement of royalty at risk to relate to his countrymens' plights in Egypt.  David had a life-long habit of putting his life on the line for others - and spent the majority of his life putting his life at stake for God.  We know he wasn't perfect - but neither am I - and I don't put my life at stake.  And on and on it goes.

Honestly - this whole idea of "can God spoil us?" is the basis of the book of Job.  Satan was accusing God of spoiling Job.  

It seems that the only way God can really spoil us - is with His love.  Encountering God's love though tends to have the exact opposite effect of spoiling us though.  In fact - it seems that those struggles that inflict the most damage on the body are precisely the ones that frequent and meaningful encounters with God's love counteract.  Hypocrisy, judgement, self-righteousness, bitterness, dissension and strife - cannot survive long in the face of God's great love.  It seems like the more we walk dependent on His Love and Grace - the more we become - strengthened against these spiritual diseases. 

May we then all be so dependent on God's "spoiling" Love and Grace that we would be every earthly good to those around us - and a testament to Heaven's good will towards us all.

Breadth, Length, Height and Depth,

What was it that first drew you to Christ? 

For many of us - it is the love of God that we first learn to sing about and it's that love that has left the most lasting mark on our souls.  And this is right and good - since love is what compelled God to rescue us.  

It was because God loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.

It was because of love that Jesus that He endured the cross.

It is the love of God that moved him to graft us wild olive shoots into the vine.

It is the love of Jesus our Good Shepherd - that He searches for us like a lost coin, a lost sheep - and even a lost son.

It is the love of God that moved Him to adopt us and welcome us to Him when we cry out "Abba, Father!"

It is the love of God that moves us from meaningless love - to the real deal - of the sort we read about in 1 Corinthians 13.

It is the love of God that transforms us so we can "one-another" in all the ways the New Testament describes.

It is the love of God that will welcome us to our true home in our true country at the end of our sojourn here.

Can we possibly meditate too much on God's love?  Can we possibly - express too much gratitude for God's love?  In the last half of Ephesians 3:14-21 - Paul prays a tall order on our behalfs when it comes to our comprehension of God's love. 

"and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God."

Paul prays for all of us to know with all those who are God's that we may comprehend the breadth, length, height and depth ... is that redundant?  I don't think so - I believe another way to read this might be "density" in addition to the normal axes associated with our three dimensional world.  What might be the density of God's love?  I doubt it's air, or fluff ... I think God has a tendency to really give us a thing when He makes a gift.  Maybe we can think of God's love coming to us at the density of a neutron star.  Just one teaspoonful of the material that makes up a neutron star would weigh at least as much as a mountain. Whoa.   

Interestingly - it's the interaction of neutron stars that is thought to have produced the gold that's so highly prized the world over ... how apt a metaphor for God's love - don't you think?

As if that weren't mind-blowing enough - Paul is praying that we also would be filled with all the fullness of God.  He doesn't pray that we be filled to our fullness with God ... but that we be filled with the fullness of God ... or God's fullness.  

Regardless of semantics - which though actually a powerful line by which to win arguments - we are encouraged not just in this prayer of Paul's - but all through out scripture to make it a life-long goal to perceive as far as we can - all the the way to the other side of God's love.  

There is absolutely no limit to God though - so there can be no point at which we finish this fine goal.  Wherever you are today - and wherever I am today - there is an infinity more to gain. There are people with lengthy bucket lists for vacations, for meals they want to try, for national parks they'd like to visit, and on and on.  And yet there are some of us who haven't thought for a long, long time about Jesus and His love.  There are some of us who haven't sung "Jesus loves me" since we were little children - and in the interim we've had much of our confidence in that love stolen away from us, or some of that assurance has become forgotten.  

Scripture is sprinkled here and there with prayers for our understanding of God's love - for God's love to bring His work in us to completion, and even dozens of encouragements that we'd meditate on God, God's law, God's love - and I do believe that those last three are effectively synonymous.  There are so many methods of prayer - and yet I've still not come across even a single one that directly incorporates engaging with God's love in our prayers. There are not so many methods of meditation - and frankly - I've never heard a single one mentioned but that analogy of how a cow digests - which is all fine and good for the cow - but actually explains little of how precisely to go about meditating.

So - wherever you may be - whatever your weekend hold - let's take a few moments to lay aside any of this week's burdens still trailing along behind us - and leave them outside that door we discussed last Friday - and step into that space that inspires you - and there pray with Paul that we might indeed comprehend God's vast Love for us a little more.  If you like it there - then feel free to linger a bit and mull over this prayer and meditate.  

May God's great Love warm, fill and heal all our souls.

Grace Habit Part 12 - A little more Radical Sustainability

(If you haven't looked at last week's post - where this part of the Grace Habit conversation started - it might be helpful for you to check it out here. )

There are few things better than being able to relax in the knowledge that someone you love also loves you.  Love is surely the glue that holds the most significant relationships of our lives together.  And who wouldn't love to be able to relax in such knowledge every day?  Lately it seems that despite this common awareness - the academics in the psychology departments and sociology departments of the world's institutions of higher learning keep churning out study after study demonstrating the power of love to keep us healthy physically and mentally - and that the impact of love - the more we're aware of it - seems to spread out over ever widening circles into more and more areas of our lives ... love makes us more resilient, more tenacious, more amicable, more successful ... and less susceptible to pain, illness, tragedy and loss.  This isn't just regarding romantic love (though that's of course powerful) - love in general has this potent effect.  I've linked to some top-notch studies below - but there are literally hundreds of studies that look at the benefits of love.

Love motivates - like nothing else.  For the sake of love - King Edward VIII abdicated his throne.  Mother's love of children is the stuff of countless movies, stories, fairy-tales - which of us can forget Bambi and his mother?  It's the stuff of pop music chart toppers

Love embeds in our memories like few things - and in an age of multi-media when we can capture almost any moment in dozens of different ways - love still commands center stage.  It's because of love that couples spend an average of $30k on their weddings - it's because of love that parents spend an average of $250k raising their child.  And who hasn't watched at least one of their sibling, cousin or friend - completely morph from unfocused goof to unstoppable responsible adult - because they fell in love and started a family.

And let's not forget the powerful contribution loving friendships bring to our lives.  From Mayo clinic to numerous academic institutions - again - we see study after study coming out with finding after finding about the power of love in this form as well to enrich our lives.  This is so powerful - that the quality of your friendships can predict how long you'll live.  Who doesn't remember these?

There are hundreds more.

If love is so meaningful to us.  And if love is what motivated God to create humanity in the first place - and and moved Him save us over and over again until finally He gave His Son up to redeem us - and if love is what leads us to become more like Him and teaches us to abide in Him - how is it that we aren't off-the-charts dedicated to tapping into this incredible force in our walks with Him?  Could anything else contribute more powerfully to our lives?  I've been mulling this over for three years now and I have yet to come up with a single downside that could result from authentically encountering God's love - however often we might choose to do so.  I'm inclined at this point to believe that whatever limit my fallibility and human frailty can impose on the saving power of God's love - for those very flaws God's love is the ideal healing agent.  While wise leaders rightfully resist laying heavy burdens of expected perfection regarding lengthy and rigorous daily Bible Study and Prayer times - I can't imagine a down-side to basking as often as we can in the warm light of God's eternal Love for us. And how differently do we read, pray, serve, confess, meditate, sing and grow when we arrive at these from a place of receiving God's love than we do when we approach them from a place of should, must, debt etc.  To be sure - we have no personal right to demand such incredible love - and yet God offers it to us - and then calls us children - His children - and tells us stories such as that of the prodigal -  and restores sons to widowed grieving mothers - and in all these stories reveals a bit more of His heart towards us.  We might start from a place of "pshaawww.  love is so squishy." (well - I know I did anyway) - but the more we encounter this force - on good days and bad days - the more incredible and powerful we experience it.  So much so that one of the most frequent Bible quotes is "God is love."  (1 John 4:7, 8,  and 16)

Harvard Study

Yale Press book on Love

3 Psychiatrists' book on Love 

Mayo study on friendships

Grace Habit, Part 12: Radical Sustainability

Small tangent: Okay - you may not realize this - but I really love it when I remember to get a pic that's just right for the post right at the top ... If I forget to add the pic right away at the beginning of the post - it's a tiny bit trickier to get it just right ... so today's post is about sustainability - which predictably led to a google search with lots and lots of green pictures ... green maps of the world, green globes, green city skylines and such ... no problem ... I like sustainability and green skylines - but that's not really what this post is about.

so then I searched "pure endurance" - and that turns out to be some powder you add to your ... everything to make some store at the mall rich ... sooooo anyhoooo ... long story short ... here is the best picture I can come up with for what I mean by sustainability ... 

Like that?  Great art.  The artist wishes to remain anonymous.  ahem.

How do you suppose Jesus taught the disciples to be with Him while He was with Him? "What a silly question!" you say.  And you're right.  That's pretty much obvious - right?  How did He teach them to be with Him after He was gone?  That's less silly, isn't it?  But I bet when you read that - you didn't think of Jesus' trappings - but rather Him, Himself.  It's interesting to me that Jesus - who could've made it so - that when we read His words we would essentially only read of Him telling us how to be with Him - instead of recording all that other stuff - like Him saying "catch a fish and pay my taxes".  And I'm on board if you say "well, really, all of it IS Him teaching us how to be with Him" ... but I'll still circle back to the thing He did say "this is Me teaching you how to be with Me - is a little prayer called the Lord's prayer and we teach it to children and even people who aren't in church every time the doors are open know at least a lot of "Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name ... " 

Jesus' teaching His disciples how to pray - while He was with Him - was a whopping sub-70 word message on prayer.

Yet how many of us have this ideal way to spend time with Jesus that's just ... well, it's just ... not sub-70 words ... it's kinda ... if truth be told ... grueling.

To be Christian - sometimes - feels like "to want to love Jesus, just a little bit more than I do now."

What if the best way to love Jesus more - is to just love Him now.  That's it.  Just love Him in this moment.  Simply.  Directly.

Call me crazy - but I think that Jesus didn't slip "give us now our daily bread" to leave us groaning - exhausted with tortured looks on our faces "daily?"

Here's another radical idea ... maybe the goal isn't to have this ueber-time with Jesus every day - including the perfect prayer, the perfect scripture study, the perfect intercession, the perfect worship ... 

Maybe perfect isn't all these little bits we add 

Maybe perfect is just us being with Him - and a few dozen words.

Don't get me wrong - I'm really into spending time with Him - praying, studying scripture ... big time.  I confess.  Think I'm kidding ... my current journal is #79 ... I have over 7,000 filled journal pages ... and that's after I edited a bunch and set a whole banana box full of old journals on fire. 

I don't say that maybe less truly is more because I don't want more - but because I do want more.  And I want more for the students I talk to and work with.  But I've also seen them looking at my journals and saying things like "I should journal".  Gag.  

So for the record ... You cannot get into heaven by journaling - daily or otherwise.  Nor can you secure your salvation by engaging in the most technical Bible study. Memorization?: Ditto! Name a spiritual discipline - and the answer will be the same.

But over and over again I hear and see people talking about spending time with God that sounds just so grueling.  In fact - one of the first sermons I remember hearing was called "No Bible, No Breakfast!" I was about 12 - and I'm afraid I remember it for all the wrong reasons ... the preacher lost his mind up there preaching that sermon.  He went ape.  He lost his temper - his cool - his composure - and he lost a 12 year old girl sitting in the back row in the middle of the youth group.

But what if the key to anything "daily" with Jesus were as simple as "you be with Him - and He'll be with you - and maybe you say a few words"?

Hmmm.

Okay - let's think about this another way:  what kinds of "equipment" did most of the people who Jesus ever preached to have?  Um ... their clothes.  Apparently some showed up for revival meetings without even a picnic basket full of goodies for the "well-duh! there's going to be a pot-luck afterwards!" ... and had to settle for fish-sandwiches.  It's hard to imagine any context in which they were all functionally literate - never mind toting around a rig like this ... 

um ... that's my rig

As a person of faith - I think Jesus came when the world was ready ... and that includes their daily rig.  Nobody had anything like this going on back then.  Even the Essenes sitting at Qumran didn't carry around a rig like this.

Also - I believe Jesus modeled for us a way to be with him that was accessible to all.   You know what else - I think sometimes I have covered my imagined insecurities with purchases ... with stuff.  That's just me though. 

So - based on what was sustainable at the actual time Jesus was teaching people how to be with Him - I keep coming back to "If it was really that important for our spiritual growth and development - He would've said it, taught it, modeled it.  Jesus said "pray" and He modeled praying. Jesus said "pray to the Father - and He prayed - both with the disciples and sometimes He went off by Himself for "extended periods" of time ... but when He taught His disciples to pray He didn't say "thou shalt go off and pray all night every night."  ... I have sure added to the Lord's prayer myself plenty of times ... "Give us this day our daily ... verses to live by, deep thoughts to impress others with, meaningful interpretations to get the attention of the leadership, leatherbound Bible looking respectfully tattered PLUS a journal bursting with notes ... " 

Another way to look at this whole conversation is the "daily bread" part ... Jesus referred to Himself as the Bread of Life - and that surely was an homage to how God sustained His people in the desert on manna.  Also back then - bread - a hand milled, stone-ground stuff naturally leavened in the air (think: sour-dough) and baked in an earthen oven or over an open hearth fire - was actually and rightfully on the daily menu.  This was a whole-grain food - because there was just not such a wild abundance of food that anyone was nuts enough to farm by hand to grow a crop and then throw over half of the edible portion out just to make "softer bread" ... people had flat middles and hard bread - and they were eating to avoid starvation. Bread was essential.

Bread was essential.  Jesus is essential. He's comparing Himself to what's essential.

If the way you're spending time with Jesus isn't essential - enjoyable ... you crave it ... change it.  Please.  

I don't want to tell anyone how to do this - but for the sake of example - I use what I do.  Sure would love to hear what you've found is sustainable day over day.

I love being out-of-doors.  I love camping, hiking and backpacking, kayaking and all that ... but don't worry - if that's not your thing - then please substitute what is your thing ...  But this is literally my essential, daily Jesus - and I find that the more I do engage in this practice - the more I want to engage in this practice.

The practice is this ... in my mind - I go to my favorite camp-ground ever ... and I go down and sit on the beach.  (As luck would have it - I have a picture of the view across from this place - see above)  I recall that scene after Jesus resurrection when He sat on the beach grilling fish with His disciples ... and I just sit there with Him.  I imagine the cracking fire.  The sounds.  The feel.  The smells.  Often it is in fact wordless.  Often it isn't.  It is always pleasant. Utterly sustainable.  I finish this one day and immediately want to go back and do it again.  I have never once had to cajole, berate, guilt, or bribe or engage in any other such technique to force myself to comply.  I have found - that being with Jesus is alluring, calming, encouraging, uplifting, engaging, fulfilling, restful, peaceful, inspiring ... it feels exactly like being loved in a place I love.  Feel free to try it for a minute or two. Stay longer if you want.  Don't if you can't. 

And it turns out that the thing that in the way of this much longed for sort of experience all my life was all trappings I brought to it.  Now - participated in at it's essential level - it really is this:

Grace Habit, Part, ... uh ... 10

What if prayer were way, way, WAY more than praying for everyone and everything you can think of from 7:00 until 7:05 and feeling bad about the interrupting and distracting thoughts of to-do-list items and projects, wants and needs?

I remember one day's prayer time in when I was a sophomore at Michigan State University - when I was DETERMINED to pray for five minutes without interrupting myself/distracting myself even once.  I was going to sit there, and not let my mind wander even once ... if I did - then I was going to start over.  Oh halp!!!  You KNOW how that turned out.  At one point in that process I started making a little hash mark for every time I distracted myself ... About 40 minutes later I was so frustrated and felt so ... broke. *sigh* 

There are people in the history of faith who reveled in LONG prayer times - ever wonder how they did that? I grew up in the church - my dad was a country preacher - but as a freshman in college - I seriously thought this was impossible or if it were impossible - it would feel exhaustingly torturous.  I was pretty sure that people who swore up and down that they loved praying like this were praying at "420" if you're picking up what I'm laying down.  Hmmm.  

What's going on here though?!  I mean - Martin Luther is sort-of famous for saying "I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer."   Mother Teresa is purported to have spend copious amounts of time in prayer.  I remember a white-haired old man named at my church as I was growing up named Claude Small who was said to have been a "real prayer-er" ... but I was only 10 when I met him and didn't think to ask him how until he'd passed away.  I've met some people who will hand you something that looks like it came out of a calculus book on how to pray - but I'll tell you a secret ... that gives me the willies.

Then there's the "prayer can be mowing your lawn types" - which on so many levels I absolutely agree with - and if you read the post last week on Frank Laubach you already know this.  But sometimes those efforts fall hard into lawn-maintenance and not so much into the heavenlies.  I'm just speaking for myself.  I haven't found lawnmowers to be particularly helpful - or long walks, or prayer shawls or any of that.  I mean I'm not saying you can't pray long or meaningfully with lawn mowers, long walks or prayer shawls - I'm just saying that those things - in and of themselves - just speaking for myself - haven't contributed to the sort of rich and meaningful prayer life that Laubach or anyone else who doesn't give me the willies refers to.  Those things also didn't lead me straight to the sort of prayer life where on my busiest days my go-to solution for a non-frenzied peace of mind was not - so sadly - to pray longer.  

But there MUST be a way to enjoy that sort of prayer time.

You and I might google search, or amazon search for prayer methods - and find a lot of sites that say "here's a one-minute method." - and there's a place for that - but that's not this conversation.  

                           There may be a blog post in which we delve into one-minute prayers - but not this day!

Honestly - I do truly hope that there are MANY ways to step into such lengthy, sweet, and transformative prayer times.  I do not, however, believe that the doors to such a prayer life are unlocked by lists.  I know!  I know.  I too, am personally a big fan of lists ... but lists, as good as they are at getting all the taco ingredients from the store in one trip, and as glad as I am that people like pilots and surgeons and such use them as much as they do ... wouldn't it be weird if you were hanging out with your bestie, your squeeze, or your mentor - and they busted out a list? Mood. Killer.

So - no more talk of what isn't "the door".

There might be many such doors - and I am open to finding them all.  The door that I have found that keeps luring me back in, over and over again for longer and longer stays - is the door labeled "Curiosity About God's Love and Grace".  

I wish I could say that I found this door through some sort of brilliance.  Nope.  I found it first while in a place that felt beyond lists ... a place and time in my life when I felt that not even the most brilliant list could put the humpty-dumpty parts of my life back together again.  I found that door by saying one day - truly - on accident - to God - "please prove to me your love is greater than all this mess."  It was not a sunny vista. This was a low down, empty, broken place.  I entered feeling this ... 

... and I believe, again - just speaking for myself - that when we're addicted to fixing, and addicted to presenting a tidied-up, fixed-up, perfect life to everyone as a justification for freedom from judgement or as an immunization from feeling too humble or small - that this is possibly how we see the world.  This might even be - how it is - if we reduce God to a list.

But having no fix-its left in my hands, having no more answers that involved my own strength - and coming to a place where there was nothing but God's Love towards me - Goodness towards my life - and Grace to warm me - I found that prayer that focuses on God's infinite good will towards us - that stretched back to before the dawn of time - that put a to-do list into action on a date so far back in God's day-planner that I can't comprehend the date.  I found stepping into a space of prolonged awe and wonder that the Infinite, Omniscient, Omnipresent and Omnipotent King of the Universe who spends every moment of His infinity in every particle of the universe at every moment of every particles existence drew on a motive like Love to plan my redemption is a thought that reduces my inadequacies to a blip on a cosmic radar of infinite "I Got This's" from God.  I think that door that I fell through on accident one day - because the two or three I'd been trying over and over again were just ... tired - has become my new go-to door - and time spent in reflective and meditative prayer there - telegraphs God's hopeful calm - and somehow - reduces my to-do lists, my fixit-addiction to a simple walk.  I do not have words for the gratitude I have for God as I've come to experience Him through this "door."

limited analogy of the space through "the door" and the view there - and the seat from which we can enjoy it

What Is Grace Anyway?

Grace, the Grace of God that is, is so hard to define - so hard to define so sharply that is - that when you hold that definition of Grace clearly in your mind - all you see is that image that so succinctly and perfectly depicts Grace that you can literally see nothing else.  Need an example of what I mean by the above?  Think of the word love.  What basic, simple image comes to mind? A heart right?  Simple.  Clear.  I mean - you can take issue with the marketing of Valentine's Day - the reduction of true/real love in media to some glitzy, Hollywood version ... but still ... if you want to communicate love quickly, simply, universally even almost - this is your go to symbol.  

But what about the Grace we get from God?  What's the basic, no frills, works because everyone gets it sort of symbol for Grace?  Well ... if you Google search it - like I did ... you get a bunch of word-art.  That's it!  Sometimes - the word-art of sunny fields and happy doves isn't quite enough - so a little sub-title about gets written in.

Hmmmm.

Doesn't that about sum it up though?

And I'm with everyone - right?  Because I didn't think "oh - let's insert that super awesome and totally clear image of Grace that I already thought of because I can only think of that graphic is the only one that always comes to my mind whenever I think the word Grace" ... nope - I knew I had nuttin - so I googled it.  Telling - right?

I mean - don't tell me - "well - you see Amy Jo - Grace is so hard to define."  Because I will say back to you (probably a little sarcastically) [in a high, nasal, whinny voice] "Hmmmyeah.  It's so hard! ...  [in your best Bourne movie trailer voice.] Define love."  

How is it that 2,000 years in - this is the pickle we face?  What could be the image of Grace? Or maybe this is just my problem - what image comes to mind when you picture Grace?  

And - yes - just to admit it - I'm doing that thing with the capital letters again - where I'm using a capital G to signify not the grace of a great dancer, or the grace of a court-official, or gracing someone's party with yourself ... but the Grace that God gives "a wretch like me" so we can not only experience His forgiveness but sing about amazingness.

I think that there are two reasons why we don't have a simple, read, go-to image for Grace - like we do for Love or baby, or school, or any of those other big concepts that mean a lot to us all.

Reason number 1:  Grace - however you define it is deep into the theological weeds.  

Reason number 2:  We don't really like Grace.

On point number 2 (because I'm assuming we all get number 1 - HUGE splits have taken place in the whole history of Christianity over this little word) - here's what I mean.  Even the song I just alluded to - Amazing Grace - which I'm going to go ahead and keep on singing (probably alone in the car because singing is just not my talent) - says that Grace is for wretches ... you know - wretches like me.  

In general - we have this idea that Grace is for degenerates.  Grace is for those who need it ... for everyone else - tuck your shirt in, sit up straight - chin up! Stop looking like you need it! (okay - that's the end of my "elementary teacher voice"

But it's true.  Grace isn't really presented to us as something you need more of if you're bad or just not as good.  Pedestal People - you know - the ones that we love to love and put way up high on a pedestal - they don't need Grace - right?

Google's definition of Grace is pretty straight forward ... but when I mentioned that definition to some theological types - eye-ball rolls ensued. 

The founder/original writer and lexicographer of the Webster's Dictionary - Noah Webster - was by accounts we can access today a devout Christian - and based all of his definitions of English words on how those words were used in the Bible.  The last edition of the Webster's Dictionary published with this view strictly in mind came out in 1828 - and there are still today quite a few copies of it floating around on-line ... think I'm kidding?  Google it. I came up with 386,000 results in 0.58 seconds.  And it's still in print! Can Noah Webster help us clear up our confusion about Grace? ... Well ...  Here's the entry (it's long - like really long - so feel free to skip down)

Grace

GRACE, noun [Latin gratia, which is formed on the Celtic; Eng. agree, congruous, and ready. The primary sense of gratus, is free, ready, quick, willing, prompt, from advancing.]

1. Favor; good will; kindness; disposition to oblige another; as a grant made as an act of grace

Or each, or all, may win a lady's grace

2. Appropriately, the free unmerited love and favor of God, the spring and source of all the benefits men receive from him.

And if by grace then it is no more of works. Romans 11:5.

3. Favorable influence of God; divine influence or the influence of the spirit, in renewing the heart and restraining from sin.

My grace is sufficient for thee. 2 Corinthians 12:9.

4. The application of Christ's righteousness to the sinner.

Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound. Romans 5:2.

5. A state of reconciliation to God. Romans 5:2:2.

6. Virtuous or religious affection or disposition, as a liberal disposition, faith, meekness, humility, patience, etc. proceeding from divine influence.

7. Spiritual instruction, improvement and edification. Ephesians 4:29.

8. Apostleship, or the qualifications of an apostle. Ephesians 3:8.

9. Eternal life; final salvation. 1 Peter 1:13.

10. Favor; mercy; pardon.

Bow and sue for grace

With suppliant knee.

11. Favor conferred.

I should therefore esteem it a great favor and grace

12. Privilege.

To few great Jupiter imparts this grace

13. That in manner, deportment or language which renders it appropriate and agreeable; suitableness; elegance with appropriate dignity. We say, a speaker delivers his address with grace; a man performs his part with grace

GRACE was in all her steps.

Her purple habit sits with such a grace

On her smooth shoulders.

14. Natural or acquired excellence; any endowment that recommends the possessor to others; as the graces of wit and learning.

15. Beauty; embellishment; in general, whatever adorns and recommends to favor; sometimes, a single beauty.

I pass their form and every charming grace

16. Beauty deified; among pagans, a goddess. The graces were three in number, Aglaia, Thalia, and Euphrosyne, the constant attendants of Venus.

The loves delighted, and the graces played.

17. Virtue physical; as the grace of plants. [Not used.]

18. The title of a duke or an archbishop, and formerly of the king of England, meaning your goodness or clemency. His grace the Duke of York. Your grace will please to accept my thanks.

19. A short prayer before or after meat; a blessing asked, or thanks rendered.

20. In music, graces signifies turns, trills and shakes introduced for embellishment.

Day in grace in theology, time of probation, when an offer is made to sinners.

Days in grace in commerce, the days immediately following the day when a bill or note becomes due, which days are allowed to the debtor or payor to make payment in. In Great Britain and the United States the days of grace are three, but in other countries more; the usages of merchants being different.

GRACE, verb transitive To adorn; to decorate; to embellish and dignify.

Great Jove and Phoebus graced his noble line.

And hail, ye fair, of every charm possess'd,

Who grace this rising empire of the west.

1. To dignify or raise by act of favor; to honor.

He might at his pleasure grace or disgrace whom

he would in court.

2. To favor; to honor.

3. To supply with heavenly grace.

*whew!*

The above definition makes a 3 page word-document of 564 words.  Mr. Webster was thorough!  And - yet - I feel even more foggy and uncertain about what Grace actually is.  

Of all the books in the Bible - Romans wins the prize for talking about Grace the most.  The Apostle Paul uses the word as a greeting (Romans 1:5 & 7) , as the gift by which we are justified (Rom 3:24), says that justification has to be by faith or it's not in accordance with Grace (Rom 4:16), Romans 5 says that Grace introduces us to faith and that it's by Grace that we stand - even if we're helpless, and says that with receiving an abundance of Grace the gift of righteousness can reign in us (of course - righteousness might be another word that's taken a beating).  In Romans 6 Paul emphatically declares - you can almost hear his voice straining as you read this chapter - that using Grace as license will not increase it - but rather Grace is the very proof that we are no longer owned by that tyrant, Sin.  In Romans 11 Paul flatly states that if grace is based on works it's not grace at all. 

How is it that Grace ever became associated with the words "cheap" or "easy"?  Encounters with Grace lead to humility, gratitude, transformation, generosity, hope, love ... in fact - despite the linguistic differences and the theological differences - can we see and or experience any practical differences between Grace and Love as we receive them from God?  If you read through 1st Corinthians 13 and replace the word love in that chapter with the word Grace - doesn't it still work?

Could then - this also be the symbol of Grace?

Grace Habit - Grace's Due

Rodney Dangerfield gained global fame on the line:  "I don't get no respect!"

Well - you know what?  Grace don't get no respect.  Really.  I can look back at my own life and recall moments and conversations in which I discounted grace as "soft" and "an easy pass".  It wasn't that I wanted to disparage one of God's gifts - it's just that at that time - I was firmly in the grip of the sweet delusion that I could somehow be a better Christian, a higher-quality sort of Christ-follower if I needed to take a little less grace - than say ... this person, or that person, or ... you know - you.

For reasons that now sometimes seem so hard to recall - I instinctively avoided meaningful contemplation on grace.  In fact - from here on in this post - I'm going to distinguish "grace" before contemplation - and "GRACE" after contemplation and subsequently realization.  This change wasn't strictly precipitated by my consequential and thorough investigation of a term that I astutely recognized in a flash of brilliance I'd been conveniently neglecting.  Nope. It wasn't until that I needed grace - that I started to look at why it was so hard to find, under appreciated and seemingly relegated to those we don't want to be ... you know - like the people regarding whom we've ever uttered the words:  "There but for the grace of God go I."

Barf.

We can do better.  We must do better - for everyone's sake.

While grace - as a license to pity those I'm too lazy to understand - is a miserable and forgettable thing; GRACE - is powerful, mind-blowing and majestic.  Poor grace - smacks of hypocrisy, arrogance, and self-righteousness.  But GRACE - leaves us gob-smacked by the audacity of God to foist unbelievable generosity on the oblivious.  While GRACE profoundly transforms, sad little grace invariably reduces even the best intentions to the sort of "forgiven-large-sums-of-debt" sort of servant - who upon forgiveness - runs out and finds someone who owes us five bucks - and we jump them, and throw the book at them.  This of course isn't behavior exclusive to Christians - you can find that sort of behavior in any place at any time ... it's human - but not redeemed human - and that seems to be why it's so offensive to the world when Christians display sad grace ... the whole, wide, freaking world is desperately, desperately hungry for real GRACE.

So what IS that real GRACE?  

Keep coming back ... I promise - it is not for nothing that I'm circling this issue - we are narrowing in on the center - slowly, methodically and purposefully.  I'm working through these twice-weekly posts to deconstruct the easy thinking about "cheap grace" and once that's dismantled - lay out a case for GRACE.

Grace Habit; Part 4

Wikihow even has a wiki on how to study the Bible - here's their image.

The question remains: "How did you learn to spend time with God?"

Did you have deovtions?  Did you sit down and have your quiet time?  Or did you follow a Bible reading plan?  Maybe you read  "My Utmost for His Highest"?  Maybe you used a Life Application study Bible?  Maybe you had an Inductive Study Bible?  Or maybe your church or denomination offered a class on how to study the Bible - or maybe you took a seminary class?

I remember when I first learned about Christian Book Distributors ... back in the day - with a phone call to a 1-800 number - they would put you on their mailing list - and send you their catalog - printed on newspaper type paper - all black and white - with hundreds and hundreds of horrible little grainy pictures of life-altering bargain priced books like "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis.  I remember my mother handing me a check to "go buy something decent to wear to an interview" - cashing it - driving to Good Will and a garage sale or two - and coming home with something better than ripped out jeans and worn thin hoodie to wear to an interview - and mailing a check off to the catalog people - and buying my first study Bible: a hard-backed NAS Open Study Bible.  Then came the Thompson Chain Reference Bible ... then Bible software!  Ooooh!

There are also a plethora of prayer methods aren't there.  There's the "A.C.T.S." method (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication).  I'm personally pretty fond of the "Hour That Changes the World" by Dick Eastman - an 11-kinds of prayer - that at 5 minutes each(ish) takes up an hour when you begin and end with praise.  I've always liked best that it includes both resting with and listening to God - which actually makes prayer seem like a conversation.

Maybe you remember missionaries coming to visit your church and telling you about people hearing the gospel for the first time, or receiving their first Bible.  The head of the campus ministry I attended as a student was invited at one time to teach a class to some Czechoslovakians back when Czechoslovakia was a country still.  He told stories about two brothers attending who every evening after the last class would plead with him to borrow his old, worn out Bible over-night and then hand deliver it to his hotel room the next morning "on their way" to work (but it was actually horribly out of their way).  Near the end of the class the brothers finally told him that they were taking turns hand-copying whole books from his Bible - because they'd never had one and didn't believe they ever would - and even though this Bible was in English - a language they struggled with - they were so eager to finally access to a Bible - they considered themselves extremely fortunate and were glad to give up sleep - and walk twice as far to work.  When my campus minister heard this - he instinctively gave them his Bible - right then and there.  They were so over-come with joy that this book was now theirs - that they burst into tears.  I believe that just about every single missionary serving near the U.S.S.R. or other closed countries has stories like this.

It's curious that today it's so ridiculously easy to have a completely free personal Scripture study reference library that would be the absolute envy of every seminary student not at all that long ago - and to carry it around with you everywhere you go - on your phone!  You can down-load a free app that will even READ the Bible out loud to you with a professionally produced recording - in the version of your choice - again - completely free and utterly portable.  Yet I don't think this proliferation of resources and ease of access to those resources has led to a significant uptick in Christians diving in.  Obviously, life is extremely complicated and despite the dawn of the internet age has failed to automatically become easier - so the answers to how this has come to be are varied and numerous.  Still - the excuse we all said before you could stuff an entire seminary library into your back pocket was "Well, I'd love to study the Bible more - but who can afford all those resources?"

So - what IS stopping us from diving in?  Busyness for sure - but busyness doesn't really mean busyness does it?  Or better put - what "gem of an idea" would unleash your inner scholar?

Grace Habit, Part 3

Do you know about "the voice"?

No, no, no.  Not this:

Rather ... the voice in your head.

Yeah.  

That.

Did you know that of all the biggest world religions there are three where adherents who suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and are intent in their practice of their faith - can often fall prey to a particularly pernicious form of OCD called scrupulosity.  Sufferers of scrupulosity have intense anxiety surrounding thoughts about having committed some moral infraction.  In other words: they're horrified at the idea of sinning - morally, ethically or in some other way. You can read an article on scrupulosity here.  The three world religions where scrupulosity is most likely to occur? Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. 

How interesting that Christians would face this issue.  Aren't Christians; like the bumper stickers used to all say "Christians aren't perfect.  just forgiven"? Really?  "Just"?  As if it were ... trite?

Hold that thought.

Did you also know - that those same three world religions seem to produce another similar result in another form of mental illness ... adherants of these same three global faiths who hear voices - hear judgy, condemning, and verbally abusive voices.  Whereas individuals from Africa and even India - hear friendly, playful voices. Hmm. Interesting.  

And again - I'm personally just a little curious - how it is that Christians, who's faith, at least in the Good Book, makes some amazing statements about forgiveness, redemption and grace - but that's not impacting people as much. 

Obviously - I'm just noticing - not making a judgment, not denying the real and awful burden that mental health is - especially in a country where it's far more likely to be penalized, criminalized than insured and treated.  I am noticing though - that there's something about the "It Is Finished" part of Jesus sanctifying work on the cross that's not sinking as deep into the Christian psyche as the sin part.  It's like - as a global faith community - we just don't get the "Neither do I condemn you" part of Jesus interaction with the woman caught in adultery in John 8 ... we are as a people fairly hung up it seems on the "Go and sin no more part".  It's as if - as soon as God's forgiveness washes us clean - we feel constrained to "humble ourselves" or "stay real" - and go right back to living as if we were still in the muck.  Sometimes we even try to make it "cool" to be "broken"

But here's the thing ... has anyone ever been able to actually go and sin no more?  Well, other than Jesus, of course?  Wasn't the whole point of Jesus - God's own beloved Son - needing come down and live among us precisely because no one has ever actually been able to go and sin no more?  Isn't at least part of what we glean from every single Bible story every kid learns in Sunday school is that they were all imperfect people?  Adam & Eve sinned. Cain killed Able. Noah got hammered.  Abraham lied about his wife.  Twice. David slew giants, but committed adultery with Bathsheba ... Simon Bar Jonah - so impacted Jesus that the Savior gave him the nick-name "Peter" - literally, "The Rock" - yet just before the crucifixion The Rock himself - gobsmacked by fright and stress - denied having ever known Jesus with colorful language and plenty of volume. Romans 3:23 says it best. 

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," (NASB)

Of course - there's the other side of scripture ...

 because it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”  1 Peter 1:16 (NASB)

And yet - just a couple chapters later Paul - the great New Testament theologian, reiterates that despite Romans 3:23, Here's our reason for hope:

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8 (NASB) 

But - can Christians really be stuck between either Jesus' work on the cross was essential to introduce a new paradigm - and yet still - as if it were still the day before Resurrection Sunday, 33 AD live as if there were no option but being trapped in a vicious cycle of breaking the law, and atoning, and then breaking the law again, and atoning again, and on and on ad infinitim, ad nauseum?  

I don't know about  you - but stuck in the muck is stuck in the muck - no matter how cool you might try to make it.  There HAS to be a way to live abundantly now, you know, when we're alive. There has to be a difference between our existence now - and the existence before Jesus.  That can NOT be right!  It's bad enough that I'm stuck there, cuz' you know, maybe that just "my problem" - but I've been asking around and have dragged an innumerable quantity of books back and forth from the Library/book store/my friend's house (shhhhh ... I'll put it back!) - and I haven't found in any book or teaching a practical and clear solution - easily implemented and simple to understand.  Well - I hadn't until just a couple of years ago that is.  And it seems to me that there's a huge connection between the voice that dominates our thinking - and our ability to really step out of the gloom and into forgiveness.  Are we afraid to live in the light of forgiveness?

The Grace Habit, Part 2

Ever notice how trying to not sin, thinking about ways to not sinning, leads to ... well ... thinking an awful lot about sin?  It's kind of like that old trick:  Do not. Think about. Pink Elephants! Stop it.  I really mean it!  ("Anybody want a peanut?")

Also ... how come (my inner child wonders) there are so many prayer methods that teach you to confess ... is that all there is to do with sin?  Confess.  Sure sure ... there is that conversation Jesus had with that one woman "Go and sin no more" (John 8:11).  But how come for all the times we hear that - we don't hear Jesus saying to this woman (who - no offense -  my mama would've have grounded sooooo hard) "Neither do I condemn you".  Jesus said those words to her.  She was caught - not just "kinda" but "in the act" - and was seconds away from losing her life for it.  This was BIG sin - cause - you know - sin IS ranked - right?  And Jesus just goes and tells her - "I don't condemn you"?  How's that work?  I don't know what's worse - that she "got away with it" - or that she didn't even ask!  Maybe she didn't even repent. 

man - this scene from The Passion of the Christ just gets me - every single time. Watch it here.

Pffft.

But you know what that just sounded like?  Yep.  The very people who set that whole mess up.  So I'm a sinner - and one of these miserable judges?  Gah!!! Shoot!

And there we are - right there - we're staring in the face of why/how so often Christians get branded as Hypocrites.  Heck.  We're even looking - I think - right at - at least part of how we actually fall into acting like a hypocrite ... and how if I don't pause and reflect on what I'm doing - I end up in fact becoming a hypocrite. The sickest aspect of that however, is that I got there precisely by trying to avoid being there.  Oh help. Don't we at that point just want to throw up our hands and quote Paul

"Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from [a]the body of this death?"  Romans 7:24 (NASB)

There's something missing from this whole discussion though ... a really, really, BIG something. Something which I believe - changes everything.

No part of the above conversation mentions grace.  We can say Jesus' actions manifest grace. But for all the prayer methods that encourage confession, for all the conversations about how not to sin, what things are/are not sin ... we're usually left with just the "Go and sin no more" part.  I have personally never heard any one quote the other part: "Neither do I condemn you" 

Is there a way - to embrace both "Neither do I condemn you" and "Go and sin no more"?  Half the time the "Neither do I condemn you" part gets treated like an after thought - despite the fact that in the text, Jesus said that first.  

So ... what gives?  How do we do this?